So before writing this post, I looked back at last year's.
And, oh wow..
It just amazed me and made me even more thankful for everything.
The contrast of everything was just so...
Gosh.
#3
2014 was a harsh year.
Filled with lots of door-slamming yet also tons of welcoming new people in, loads of dealing with other people but the self, many let-downs and rarely any authenticity (or at least that's what I feel).
It was just...harsh.
And 2015 made me feel like everything is finally...resolved almost.
That sense of closure, sense of having control of leaving and closing the book.
That feeling of..content.
#2
In that post, I also mentioned that I "have decided to leave everything that I wanted in 2014 behind".
That was the best decision I have made for myself.
Everything that I wanted (that would concern my future etc), I wanted them in a newer, fresher way.
And everything else that was toxic I left behind.
By doing exactly that, I have never felt so much more....alive and in control.
Cliche, I know, but it's true.
#1
Something about being in poly which makes me feel like the start and end of the same year are of different years.
This year is much the same.
I can hardly recall much from the start of the year, the more challenging times and not..
(Therefore the little throwback/recap to last year's post.)
All I can think of is the now - the present.
I do encounter difficulty in not looking back at the past, but I think that I can stop dwelling on it once I'm surrounded by the right things and people.
That even with my constant worrying which influences my lack of exploration, I till find myself looking forward to and being excited about the future and what it could be.
All those possibilities - and 98% of them positive - which scares me (and the people around me), but, hey, hope is what drives me.
With that said, I think 2015 has been nothing quite short of amazing.
In comparison to 2014, I had a totally new adventure in 2015 - one for self-discovery.
I had so many opportunities for self-discovery which I am grateful for albeit some of them being sour and bitter.
The time I spent towards discovering the self, as well as the time spent merely just for myself to do the things that interests me was just much more than ever.
And, of course, I am extremely grateful to those who were part of those adventures - if I do say so myself.
All of those "Let's go here!" "Let's find this place." "Wanna go together?".
All of those people who were willing to spend their time with me.
Thank you's not good enough.
Which brings me to this.
I think friends teach you a completely different set of things that family doesn't (or maybe yours does, I dunno) - help, betrayal, hurting and coping, the fragility and riskiness of trust, recuperating and having to do it all over again..
With family - I am blessed with all that and I am assured that they'll be there for me no matter how much we exert to each other.
With friends, however, we may grow apart - or even be forced to grow apart, and then we'll meet new ones and be forced to take that leap into starting over again.
I'm not saying that I have fully discovered myself - I don't think that can ever happen as humans change all the time.
But I now realise the traits which I newly discovered, traits I've developed from experience and interactions, traits I've carried with me since I was a child.
I now realise how spending time doing things (with the right people) can make me feel happy and contented.
That everything starts within the self after all.
And as 2015 comes to an end, I can wholly say that I'm ending it on a fairly contented note.
2015 - a year that I kinda sorta took a step towards putting myself first - also a year where I've met some of the most amazing beings, who have kept me afloat even when I'm not sure I deserved it.
This year is much the same.
I can hardly recall much from the start of the year, the more challenging times and not..
(Therefore the little throwback/recap to last year's post.)
All I can think of is the now - the present.
I do encounter difficulty in not looking back at the past, but I think that I can stop dwelling on it once I'm surrounded by the right things and people.
That even with my constant worrying which influences my lack of exploration, I till find myself looking forward to and being excited about the future and what it could be.
All those possibilities - and 98% of them positive - which scares me (and the people around me), but, hey, hope is what drives me.
With that said, I think 2015 has been nothing quite short of amazing.
In comparison to 2014, I had a totally new adventure in 2015 - one for self-discovery.
I had so many opportunities for self-discovery which I am grateful for albeit some of them being sour and bitter.
The time I spent towards discovering the self, as well as the time spent merely just for myself to do the things that interests me was just much more than ever.
And, of course, I am extremely grateful to those who were part of those adventures - if I do say so myself.
All of those "Let's go here!" "Let's find this place." "Wanna go together?".
All of those people who were willing to spend their time with me.
Thank you's not good enough.
Which brings me to this.
I think friends teach you a completely different set of things that family doesn't (or maybe yours does, I dunno) - help, betrayal, hurting and coping, the fragility and riskiness of trust, recuperating and having to do it all over again..
With family - I am blessed with all that and I am assured that they'll be there for me no matter how much we exert to each other.
With friends, however, we may grow apart - or even be forced to grow apart, and then we'll meet new ones and be forced to take that leap into starting over again.
I'm not saying that I have fully discovered myself - I don't think that can ever happen as humans change all the time.
But I now realise the traits which I newly discovered, traits I've developed from experience and interactions, traits I've carried with me since I was a child.
I now realise how spending time doing things (with the right people) can make me feel happy and contented.
That everything starts within the self after all.
And as 2015 comes to an end, I can wholly say that I'm ending it on a fairly contented note.
2015 - a year that I kinda sorta took a step towards putting myself first - also a year where I've met some of the most amazing beings, who have kept me afloat even when I'm not sure I deserved it.
Hello Twenty Sixteen. :)
A year where I bid goodbye to my studying phase.
One where I take a step into the huge world of being in the working sector.
New responsibilities, new faces, new challenges, new struggles, new everything.
I'll make the best out of you.
Du vet jeg elsker deg.
Goodbye
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