Into Lin's head ^^ #1

Hey ho, hello :)

I attended a short talk today (without really knowing what was it was going to be about)

Though part of what the speaker talked about was kind of high-level :')

I still walked out of the room with some insight on certain things..

Especially at this point of my life.

Not exactly sure if you'd want to continue reading this, though.

But here goes. 

(Don't say I didn't warn you.)

 

 Making (good) things happen, which on their on does not happen.

 Well, I guess, yeah.

Sometimes you have so many things in mind that you want to achieve or see happen,

But if you do not do anything about it,

It will probably not happen.

And it gets me into thinking that I have the power to actually good things happen.

It's whether or not I'm taking that step to actually do something.

 And for a person like myself, it's pretty darn difficult heh.

It's already hard enough for me to strike a good conversation with someone,

Even doing a good gesture takes up alot of courage and willpower in me :') 

So let alone do something big.

There are many things that I'd like to contribute to in the social sector,

But knowing myself;

How my mind and my heart works..

Man, it's going to be hard on me.

But ultimately, the type of person that I am..

Although I often think of worst-case-scenarios in everything..

All I really want to do good.

And I don't mean just doing good as in doing well..

But as in doing good things, for everyone.

 

 4 Barriers to Change

 1. Knowledge - 

"Changing what I know and what I'm used to"

Knowledge about something is usually passed down and dropped on to your lap,

And sometimes you're appointed to be the one who carries or passes it on.

You do so until it becomes normal, a routine, something you're comfortable with.

It's something solid, something predictable and something set.

So when change is brought up,

You feel like it's changing your whole routine, messing with what you were comfortable with, bringing about something unpredictable and perhaps even shaky.

Thus creating a barrier;

You're don't know what to expect from it and it makes you uncomfortable.

But after all,

The knowledge you have does not have to be changed.

It's just the routine,

Perhaps something that can allow you to hold/spread that knowledge you have in a much more effective way.

You never know.

2. Belief - 

"Changing and undermining the sole purpose of why I'm here and what I signed up for"

This one usually would hit a nerve.

Even for myself, I admit.

The reason why you (and by you, I mean me, obviously) signed up for a certain thing is all based on what you know....or feel about it at the moment.

But perhaps if you just allow yourself to think of the fact that you will be learning more things along the way.

More things that may change the way you act, work, think, play, live...

Then perhaps you'll realise that you have prepare yourself for change nonetheless,

That what you signed up for isn't just going to be about what you know as of that moment,

But it's going to be about what you have and what you will get along the way.

And I do agree that some changes may stray away from my belief.

And obviously, I would struggle with that.

I mean, come on, that's pretty much a your-heart vs someone-else's-heart situation.

And don't they always tell you to listen to your own?

So the thing here is,

Always ask yourself why you signed up for it in the first place.

Stick to it, because it might be the reason for why you're here now.

And even if everything changes along the way..

3. Confidence - 

"I don't mind you making a change, but people are not going to agree to it so I do not think it will work"

Mmm, usually the one thing people (and by people, I still mean me, obviously) will eventually succumb to.

I mean, hello, it's change we're talking about??

I hate it myself.

I'm not sure how I've managed to do this all this while;

Not doing something because people do not think that it will work.

 But as for the person that I am,

If you are confident that it will work, I will support you.

If you are going to go all the way, I will go with you.

Yes, at some point of time I may not think it would work either.

But I guess it brings us back to Number 2.

Sometimes you just have to put some faith and heart in it.

You can have the confidence in your head but if you don't do it wholeheartedly,

Then I don't really see the point.

And I guess the hardest thing for me is to go against the flow of people and their opinions.

Being the usual, asian girl that I am in this society, I just cant do it. *shrugs*

 I mean, I probably could, but I would need so many stronger-willed people around me for support.

One thing I'll admit, though, is that

I am afraid of making change because of how people will react/respond to it.

 

4. Power - 

"The change you bring will undermine my position and power"

Yeah...

To hold so much power is one of the scariest things for me.

I've always perceived myself as a "small" person.

Everyone around me is always "bigger" than me.

It's just been like that for me, growing up.

I am used to fulfilling the calls.

I am used to not making the calls.

I am OK with not being the one with all the power and control.

I am OK with compromising my wants/needs with yours.

I am OK with you disagreeing to things which I suggest or propose.

I am OK with you forgetting what I told you from three days ago.

I am OK with finding my own contentment in things that you do not agree with.

I am OK with it.

But do I want to make (good) change in people?

Do I want to be influential (in a good way)?

Yes, I'd love to.

Yes, if I can make things better for people, then yes of course I would do that.

And I don't believe that I need a specific power role to do any of it.

Anyone is capable of doing it.

Even if you bring about a change,

As long a it's not something that will strip me of my beliefs or my values or my living life,

I am OK with it.

 

I just think that..

The person that I am..

I lean more towards what it is I'm doing and if I'm happy doing it.

Am I contented with doing this?

Here's an example;

I'm not even done with my diploma, yet people are already asking if I'll be heading for something that would give me a better pay.

It's not really fair for me to answer this right now,

Since it's not like I'm paying for any bills, transportation, grocery etc yet.

But...would I really ever do that?

I chose this field, I wanted this since I was five years old, I've gained all knowledge to be taking this diploma and now I'm gaining knowledge about this particular field, and there are changes and things that I've learned along the way that surprised me and got me thinking "wow I didn't know I just agreed to 3 whole years of this", and, well, I'm terribly confident about how good of an educator I'm going to be in the future, and I know that there will always be people higher than me when I graduate and start working.

But I look at what I'm studying and what I spend my time with now,

Then think about what I wanted back when I was five

And I ask myself,

Why hasn't my mind changed from when I was five?

I have been through so much change in my life so far,

And there is no doubt about it that there is more to come.

Change is the only constant in life.

But why are we so scared of change?

Why are we so scared to make change?

Lastly, a quote from Steve Jobs which the speaker shared.

"You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future."

Somehow, this speaks to me of closure.

All the decisions you make and all the change you go through, good or bad, will leave a "dot" in your life.

And at the end, when you look back, I hope that you'll be able to connect all the dots and find that it was all well worth it.

May not seem like it right now;

But this too shall pass,

And hopefully it will all eventually make sense.
 

Man, I did not intend to get so personal with this post.

But oh well.

Welcome to my brain. ;)

“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.”
  - Leo Tolstoy

 

A new journey begins tomorrow. :)

Du vet jeg elsker deg.

Goodbye