Why am I typing like this

Hey

Sunday night,

I went to bed telling myself that I will be active and productive during attachment the next day.

Monday morning,

I woke up, ready.

I headed over to the centre and started off slow.

I then got informed that the class which I am attached to are going out, so I was temporarily attached to the younger ones for the day.

I felt so ready.

The younger ones are always oh so adorable and I thought it'd be fun.

And then there's this young one, who took my hand and walked me over to the wall.

I tried to get the young one back to join the class,

But to no avail.

I then got to know that young one liked to walk over to the lifts and would always want to leave the room.

And every single time he walked over,

I had to chase after him,

Carry him,

Right back to the classroom.

 

It was nothing I was ready for,

And I even hit the point where I turned to the teacher and said,

"Help me, I can't handle him."

 

And she told me to be firm.

But that just isn't how I roll.

 

The whole time

I felt like

I was given a responsibility

Yet for every single thing I do

To fulfill that responsibility

I get told to do this

Not that

Or to do that

Not this

 

And I felt so lost

Thinking which was the right thing to do

Knowing that there were eyes on me

All the time

 

I walked over

Hugged and carried the young one

This time

He hugged me tight

I began to walk back towards the classroom

And when he realised it

He let go

And started crying

Almost as though he's thinking

That I betrayed him

 

But he was interested in three particular things

And he knows them pretty well

But he wont look at me

All I wanted

Was to capture his interest

 

And when I'm around him

I'm scared

Because I might hurt him

Or allow him to get hurt

So I try to stay away

But I cannot do that

Because

He was

My responsibility

 

A staff then

Asked for my help

And through that

I managed to talk to her

And then I realised

She was actually so helpful

 

And when I asked her about the young one

I realised that she has to do it

Every

Single

Day

 

And that she might be

That way today

Because there was finally

An extra pair of hands

And eyes

And ears

To help

 

 I was so close

To losing it

But I realised

That some people

Have matters to face

Daily

But they still do

They need a break

They need help

But they still

Face

These

Matters

 

If this is what I want

I have to accept

Everything

That comes

With it

.

 

Du vet jeg elsker deg.

Goodbye